Every morning when I wake up- if u can call 11 o’clock morning, or getting off the bed, brushing teeth, cleaning yourself and home, waking up- I like to think that perhaps its not as awful as that. I mean a couple of people dying, getting killed, murdered, raped- physically, emotionally- here and there isn’t a big deal. I mean so what if all I can see, hear, smell, taste, touch, think is power and hierarchy? (Butts and wiggles?)
By the time I am in shower I start feeling myself again. All impurities going down the drain. I wonder if I rub too hard, will my skin start coming off too? Will my bones give away flesh and underneath all this, bones and all, perhaps I will find my soul. But thats a stupid notion I know. I have long accepted the fact that I am my body and the idea of soul which has been created by one of my body parts called brain is nothing but delusion to give my puny existence a fake aura of purity or superiority over others. Some people get real offended when I say that. Somewhat explains why I have stopped saying everything altogether. The only friendly conversarion I have is with Myself. You should hear her, damn she is witty.
As long as I am showering its okay. Sometimes okayness lasts for an hour after showering. But then I start seeing it again. The drab of it all. Lately, I have been planning to do things and I can barely perform essentials. I think its because I feel like I am gonna die soon. Or perhaps I know it.
Smoked Siren
Smoked Siren 